the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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