my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
