so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
