Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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