Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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