I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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