i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
