Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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