What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
