So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
