I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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