I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
