I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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