Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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