I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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