Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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