i love accidental penises.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How does it feel to date your dad?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
