im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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