put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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