If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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