Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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