YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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