he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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