I could make wine with my vomit
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
