o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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