it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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