Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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