Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
