yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
