break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
