im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this just has baby written all over it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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