i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
