I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
