Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
