the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
honey bunches of taint.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
