so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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