Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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