The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
