yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We are two peas in an std pod
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
