shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you never un-have a 4some
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
