eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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