if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
