and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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