upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
