He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
God I need to hump something, right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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