What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
