Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
