if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
