I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
