Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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