Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
