So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
