I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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