So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
