He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
there is glitter all over my balls
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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