I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
