with your own penis?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
