I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's blow job season.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
