I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
